After the Fact: Gourmet dining


We are all guilty, at one time or another, of saying (or writing) something really stupid, foot-in-mouth events that we live to regret. In some instances, the words are consequent to inadequate research or a misunderstanding of intention. Less frequently, if we’re mature, do we allow emotions to take control, dithering as our blood pressure rises to a state of high dudgeon.

My niece owns an incredible, one-of-a-kind home in Northern NM. Unfortunately, she lives in NJ. After much dragging of feet, Lori decided to sell this “spaceship” with surround-windows and a deck on the very edge of a cliff that gives way to an incredible view of the valley below. Every bit was hand-crafted by her dad and her uncle so it was a hard decision to make, compounded by a surveying error that her dad is trying to straighten out.

The long and short of the story is that Lorence went to the surveyor’s office and asked about the document in question. In 50 years, I have never, not once, known Lorence to raise his voice in anger.  And this surveyor “kicked him out of the office.” He informed my niece that he would “deal with her,” but her dad was never to come back. “He accused me of lying!” He probably did, but you can bet your bippy it wasn’t in those words! As a matter of conjecture, Lorence probably lapsed into Spanish and I know this particular surveyor does not understand the language.

Those of us in the family who know this story are laughing so hard, it’s difficult to tell the others. This poor man does not know how lucky he is that he met with Lorence and not one of my nephews. Or my sister Micki. There’s a saying for what could have happened: “Katy, bar the door!” (from James Whitcomb Riley).

Then there was the queen of malapropism who referred to herself as “Mrs. Dr. Bayless.”  Sitting on the deck at the pool one afternoon, Yvonne informed the group of ladies who gathered there regularly that she and her other half were having a new home built with “parfait” floors and a chandelier with “pisms.” A couple of the girls got up quickly to “go to the ladies’ room” while the rest of us had iced tea indecorously coming out of our noses. Not for the world would we have hurt her feelings: she really was a fun person.

Others are less fun and generally obnoxious when they persist in airing the same old, same old, regardless the topic. If I didn’t get your message or if I rejected it the first time, the chances are that a second launching will not hit the target either. My friend Judy is a vegan: she has given me information but does not sit at my table with a spoon, forcing me to change my diet. Maria is devoutly Jewish: she appreciates that I am pro-Israel but has yet to suggest that I convert from my religion to hers. We are civil in agreeing to have differences of opinion. We don’t insist that others “do as I say, not as I do.” We don’t even insist that someone else “do as I do.” Being always right is a goal and not, so far as I’ve seen, an accomplishment on the resume of anyone I know.

As it is, I don’t have abundant time for wasting so I prefer my explorations into social media be entertaining rather than argumentative (though I was on a debate team an eon ago and could probably hold my own in a discussion.) After one failure to agree, I was informed that I should “go back to school and do something besides eat lunch.” Shoot, I can’t even afford to go to McDonalds for a semester’s worth of Big Macs and fries let alone buy textbooks and pay back student loans!

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