Amarah's Corner: A mom’s story: in her own words

Amarah shares mom’s story in Alamosa County Jail

My name is Jessica. This is the Story About My Life, Part-1:

“I am married and have four children. I don’t have any relationship with my kids because they were taken from me before I could do any right. I was a bad mother because I did drugs and alcohol.

I was born in Rio Arriba, N.M., March 2, 1991, was part of the Pueblo de San Ildefonso Indian Tribe, and lived in Espanola, NM. I was a twin and lost my twin sister, plus my twin brothers.

I was taken by Children, Youth and Families Department (CYFD) because my mother had to be a prostitute to make money to feed me and gave the rest of the money to my father. CYFD gave me back to my mother twice and took me away both times.

I had 19-brothers and sisters and was put in foster care. I was emotionally abused all my life and still am by people who don’t even know me. I was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by my father, uncle, and grandpa.

I was thrown out of a car, beaten, locked in closets, and given wine coolers (my mother told me it was KoolAid).

I had heart surgery too, and the doctor left stuff inside me and it got infected.

My Auntie Gina saved me from my parents, raised me with my cousin, and we ran amuck. She always found us at the Red Roo

f Inn behind the bar in Santa Fe, NM.

My Uncle Robert was a police officer and my name went over his desk many times. He ended up locking-up my mother and auntie (his sisters), plus his own mother, my grandmama. Then, I was adopted to the Collins Family in Santa Fe, NM.

I was the same age then that my daughter was when she and my son were taken from me.

I got them back but got into a bad relationship. I was pregnant with my second son and drank alcohol in my pregnancies with both sons.

I also smoked weed, did pills, and smoked cigarettes.

My son was born prematurely and weighed less than one-pound. He was life-flighted to Children’s Hospital in Denver. His small intestine burst and he had to have heart surgery.

He was on oxygen with a breathing tube down his throat and was in the neo-natal intensive care unit (NICU) in protective custody. He’ll be a special-needs kid because he’ll have cerebral palsy because of the bad choices I made when I was pregnant with him.

I started drinking because I was just like anyone else: ‘What the Hell, lets see what it does and how it makes me feel!’ But I want to stop drinking so I can get a good life started for my family and kids and myself.

Yes, I do want to stop drinking!

And, I used drugs. My drug of choice is weed; I’ve used it since high school.

I started using weed because I thought I’d be cool and thought I’d fit-in with the people I was chilling with and dated at the time. I do want to stop using drugs!!

Drinking and drugging caused me to lose my kids and I never wanted to lose my kids. I said I would never end up like my mother and have my kids in foster care. But I messed-up and hate myself for it.

I don’t ever want my kids to do drugs because it made my life a living Hell.

I said I’d never end-up in jail or homeless like my birth-mother, but I did. I’m sorry for ending-up like her but I’m trying to change for the Best.

I’m so sorry. I’m not happy with the choices I made but I know my kids are in a better and safer place and with parents who can give them what I couldn’t at that point in my life.

To my kids: I’m so sorry for not being able to be a part of your life but I know I’m a better person, and mother, because you’re in a safer place.

Last and not least, my husband and I gave our son to Mel and Dianna in El Paso, TX. We only wanted what was best for our son and his parents said they would tell him what great parents we were to do that for him, and that we love him very much.

I want to tell them I’m sorry for always yelling at them and spanking them and for making my daughter afraid of the boogie man.

I’m sorry for not being the best mother and for not staying clean and off drugs, for drinking, and for running the street. I wish you the best life you can have.”

Part-2 next week.

Jesus Loves You and JESUS IS LORD!