Amarah's Corner: Amarah shares message from Matthew


“Kids like me” are kids, and adults, of all ages, whose parents are drug addicts, and alcoholics; kids who have suffered, or who are suffering, abuse and neglect on multiple levels; and kids who are victims of bullying.

Today, Matthew:

Hello 

It's me again. I'm knocking on your door. Can you hear me? I can still see you and hear your voice and I'm still thinking about all the times we had together. Did you forget all about me? I'm lost and I know you’re gone now, why would you leave without even telling me what was going on? I don’t understand. We were so close but you didn’t even care. That black stuff got you again didn’t it? I'm only going to think about the good times we shared, I can no longer think why you would even think of going back to that life.

You lied and you left me all alone,

but I already knew what you were doing all along.

You were all I had and you knew that. 

I trusted you and I loved you.

You said you were ok but deep down I knew all along. 

Every day that passes-by I'm still thinking about you,

there is not a day that passes that you’re not on my mind.

You should have called but instead you fought it all alone.

Now it's too late I guess I'll go on my own. 

I could walk away and never try again,

I could lie one more time and say this is goodbye.

I could wipe away my tears and hope the bad will disappear,

I could say that I never cared and give you a cold stare.

You look at me with confusion,

I look at you with fear...

But now that it's all over there is not much to fear. 

To this day some people look at you as you are - a junkie,

if they only knew who you were personally

and not for the person you used to be. 

It's been awhile since I was there

but it's not a place where I would see myself ever again. 

I'm me now, after all. 

I’m sick more than I thought I would ever be,

but there is a cure and I know soon I'll be better and will have no fear. 

My mind is not right but once again there is a cure? 

This life will never get me where I want to be but

All-in-all at least I'm still here. 

They say that time’s supposed to heal you but

I aint done much healing. 

Being torn apart is the least of my worries right now but

I wanna say I’m sorry that

I was not there for you in the end and 

I'm sorry for breaking your heart. 

Time ran out and

time is running out over here. 

At least I can say I tried,

I wish I could have said goodbye. 

It's no secret that the both of us ran

out of time,

you are not hurting anymore 

you are just on the other side. 

I'm sorry for breaking your heart but

there was such a difference between us. 

This is confusing yes it is but

what else can I say 

I'm just here to reach out to all of you who care. 

If you have someone you really care about that is addicted to drugs whether they are still here today or if they are gone - you are not alone.

Tell them you love them and there is a way out, I hope I can help some of you bring a sense of peace to your life by sharing some of my thoughts .. I've been through some rough times including being addicted to drugs and I’m still here so there is hope for everyone out there… Don't give up. Life is short and too short to be wasting life on drugs...

Does it bother you that the people you hurt the most are the ones who are there for you every day? Do you realize you are hurting them more and more each time you lie and use drugs? If I can do it so can you!! There are no excuses just open your eyes and just have the will and stand up to what’s right. 

Cuz when you’re gone- you’re gone, there is no turning back and in the end the ones you hurt all along are the ones who suffer the most... 

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep. 

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the mornings hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night, 

Do not stand at my grave and cry

I am not there.

I did not die.

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