When I was still young I thought life was just a waste of time. I really did not understand what a real life was all about. See, my addiction had my life on hold. All I wanted was the next fix. I did not care about anything or anyone but those drugs. I hurt the ones that were the closest to me deeply and still to this day I do not know if they forgive me or hate me. I’ve changed so much over the years for the better. See, my eyes finally opened up and I was able to see light at the end of that tunnel.
As I sit here and think to myself, why do so many people still choose to abuse drugs? Well, it’s not that hard for me to look back and see why. I used to be that person too. Not too long ago I was struggling with my addiction but I chose to leave that life for a much better life. Why? I ask myself. Why do I see so many people my age coming out in the obituaries? I see people that I know and some who I don’t. I wonder what these people went through and I wonder how their families deal with a death like this. It’s very sad to know that a drug has taken away so many lives and you think people would get the hint and stop what they are doing. But that’s where the drug comes in.
It’s not because the person does not want to stop using, but rather it’s because the drug is so addictive and has a hold of that person to where they cannot function without it. I know it seems selfish but that’s the way the addict lives their life. Before I became strong, I knew what it was like to be weak. How difficult it is to love yourself when you’re putting everyone through hell. Can I be forgiven for everything I’ve done? See, you may have made many mistakes in your life but there is always time for change.
Mistakes make us stronger and let us know what is right and what is wrong. I’ve seen some of the worst addicts come through and become sober. I am one of those people. I am often judged but it’s not about my past. It’s about what I’ve got going on now. Once I became sober I told myself I would never go back to that life of abusing drugs. I’m so afraid of taking another dose and that I won’t make it out alive. That’s what makes me stay away from it. I may be boring now and what not but I am happy with the sober life and it’s much better than waking up every morning wondering where and how will I get my next fix.
I read Amarah’s Column every week because I want to hear what others are doing and have gone through in their lives. It means so much to me knowing that there are others out there who were just like me. It really hits home and I appreciate all of you who put your kindness and thoughts together and share them with everyone else. If you’re stuck in a hard place right now just remember life is not to be taken for granted and it is up to you to make the necessary changes in your life to overcome your addiction. Don’t give up! And just remember, you are the only person who can make that change.
If you have a friend or relative struggling with an addiction then you know what it’s all about. Just about everyone I know has someone who is going through this and I hate to see families hurt because it reminds me of what my family and I had to go through. I guess I still feel guilty because I know what I put my family through and I don’t ever think that guilt will go away because I did so much to hurt them and all I can do now is hope that they have it in their hearts to forgive me. Thank You for taking the time to read my article today.~Matthew
Thank You, Matthew!! We always appreciate hearing what you have to say!!
And, don’t forget the annual Neonatal Task Force Symposium, SLV Substance Exposed, at San Luis Valley Behavioral Health Group from 9 a.m. – 4 p.m, today and tomorrow
(August 9th and 10th).
Speakers include: Dr. Larry Burd, Professor, Dept of Pediatrics, University of North Dakota School of Medicine; Mikaila Pence, MD, SLV Health Pediatric Clinic; and Dr. Wenzell, Maternal Fetal Medicine Physician.
Also, Illuminate Colorado and Panel Discussions; Free Training-Lunch Included. Join us for part or all of the symposium!
And, remember, Jesus Loves You, and Jesus is Lord!