VALLEY — Parents greatly shape the developing self-image of their children. A large part of children’s self-concept is formed through the verbal and non-verbal, conscious and unconscious interactions between parent and child. Children who are loved by their parents unconditionally will learn self-acceptance and self-appreciation. Besides developing self-image, parents contribute to building children’s self-esteem.

Research has shown a strong link between a child’s self-esteem and academic success; children who feel good about themselves learn more easily and retain information longer. In fact, they do better in every way. A strong sense of self enables a child to better handle the ups and downs of daily life, including prejudice, abuse, addiction, delinquency and violence. Parents are the single greatest influence on their children’s self-esteem.

Here are some signs of positive self-esteem:

* A loving nature – accepting of others

* Confidence – willing to try new things

* Generosity – willing to share

* Success in school – attentive, questioning and social

* The ability to develop lasting relationships

* Individuality

* Willingness to lead or follow

* Tolerance of others’ viewpoints and differences

Here are some signs of low self-esteem:

* Insecure about trying new things

* Underachievement in school

* Avoids others and spends too much time alone

* Allows oneself to be picked on

* Acts out to get attention

* Exhibits rude, disrespectful, or delinquent behavior

* Overly fearful

* Develops eating disorders

* Uses alcohol or drugs

* Poor sleeping habits

* Easily frustrated

* Depression

How Can You Help?

Catch your child being good.  Often parents only react when their child does something wrong rather than taking time to acknowledge and reward the positive. Make a point of finding something to praise every day.

Give your undivided attention. We sometimes pretend to listen or ignore our children’s attempts to communicate with us. This can cause children to misbehave. Children of all ages feel better about themselves when they know others value what they have to say. By listening, you convey the importance of your children’s ideas, opinions and feelings.

Keep expectations realistic. Recognize that each child is an individual who will develop at his or her own pace. Adjust your expectations to the child’s age, temperament, and background. Be careful not to base your expectations on your unfulfilled wishes and values rather than the children’s wants and needs.

Create a safe, nurturing home environment. Make your home a safe haven for your family.  Never argue or fight with a spouse in front of your children. Watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other potential factors that may affect your child’s self-esteem. Deal with these issues sensitively but swiftly.

Choose your words carefully. Children are very sensitive to parents’ words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. During times of disappointment or crisis, your child’s weakened self-esteem can be strengthened when you let the child know that your love and support remain unchanged.

Offer choices. Whenever possible, allow children to make choices appropriate to their age level.  They will develop confidence by being permitted to experiment, make mistakes and learn in non-threatening situations.

Do good deeds. Teach your child to say and do good deeds. It builds good character and produces positive feelings of self-worth!

  For more information contact Mary Ellen Fleming at 852-7381, or visit the CSU Extension Office for the San Luis Valley Area at 1899 E. Hwy 160 in Monte Vista. Please feel free to visit our website at:  http://sanluisvalley.colostate.edu for information about services provided.

Extension programs are available to all without discrimination,  Colorado State University Extension, U.S. Department of Agriculture and Colorado Counties cooperating.