We receive some incredibly odd and “far out” emails every day, most of which go into the electronic “round file,” which is not thrown out entirely but certainly not going to make it on page 1, or 5, or 14 or…

If we printed everything we received, you would be amazed, amused and aggravated.

Of course there are emails from both major political parties and some who are parties of one. We receive correspondence from folks who want us to investigate local law enforcement, medical and educational establishments and their mothers-in-law.

We receive requests for money and offers of money. Just send $299 to a post office box in Moldova to collect your “abandoned metal suitcase” full of $3 bills.

We receive PSA’s and BS-A’s. We receive the latest news in fashion, country music and mango-shaped jewelry to publish in an entertainment section that doesn’t exist.

We receive “local news” from Michigan and New York City. We receive letters to the editor from Australia and suburbs of Mars, at least that’s the closest address to Earth I could figure.

We receive emails from folks outside of government bashing those inside government and from those inside government bashing others inside government and from people just bashing everybody.

We get the “inside scoop” and the “inside poop.”

We receive emails full of shameless self promotion and emails that are just shameless.

We receive results from surveys, studies, questionnaires, pollsters and mobsters.

We receive offers to lose 60 pounds in two weeks by losing $60 in two minutes.

We receive daily tirades, diatribes and diarrhea.

We receive emails from experts, extraverts and extraterrestrials.

We receive advertisements for everything: that will put hair on your chest to hair on your dog; remove your warts, weight and wallet; trips to Paris, France and Paris, Texas; and ground-breaking versions of products you thought could never be improved upon in your lifetime like Dr. Plotka’s revolutionary Antimicrobial Toothbrush (in manual or travel form, I kid you not.)

(I’ll share more of these crazy products in a future installment. I know you can hardly wait to hear about the mermaid tail collection.)

We receive columns and guest opinions on everything from government plots to cemetery plots.

We receive an inordinate amount of emails about cannabis, almost as many as we receive from the Pork Producers Council, the Organic Insider and “The Counterfeit Report” (warning to knock off the “knock offs” before the entire economy collapses or your fingernails turn green.)

We receive advice on growing older and growing tomatoes, staying in school, staying in shape and staying in your parents’ basement, getting rich and getting Rich’s criminal record, the best vacation spots and the best spot removal, how to care for your hedge fund and your hedgehog, how to survive summer, winter, winds and windbags and ways to prepare for natural disasters and/or family vacations.

We receive invitations to such events as the “Painted Faces” art opening in Beverly Hills and the Africa Lung Cancer Conference in Morocco.

I’ve seen enough painted faces in my lifetime. Morocco, on the other hand …